money money money

Assalamualaikum,

Am I a super clumsy person?

Di kala keluar senyap2 untuk balik solat zuhur di rumah... hati ada sedikit terusik akan kalau-kalau... tp bukan selalu ke buat... biar laa... okies, mulakan enjin, terus keluar dgn laju... smpi di persimpangan puaka RTM aku pn dgn tgk kereta2 di kanan... okies, free... vroom~~

*bang* oh BS sungguh!! aku terlanggar belakang myvi putih. dia angkat tangan, aku angkat tangan... ok2 aku sedar aku salah... aku pn follow dia smpi kemuncak 2... kih3 jiran aku rupanye. aku pn keluar kereta minta maap byk2... nasib baik amoi tu sgt sungguh baik hati... cara ckp lembut je... dpn kete aku plak. kui3 remuk habis geliman...

dah lambat... kene balik sekolah, aku pn minta kebenaran papa nk guna kete vios bw g sek. mmg aku masih belum mengerti sebab2 kemalangan kot... *bang* vios papa langgar kete saga putih aku~ apekah?? aku terasa sgt emosi... duit aku dah laa disebabkan seseorg tu... aku berhutang dgn bank... tambah ni pulak... punye laa dlu2 aku tak pernah pk nk buat duit byk... ni salah satu ujian Allah kot, ttg penilaian duit dlm diri aku... aku sombong sgt dulu ni~~

di sekolah, aku mencari hiburan sendiri... dlm kepala aku dah sgt tensi... tp aku ttp pk jgn hambakan diri dgn duit... cari hikmah sebenar ann~~

Sweet~Heart

Assalamualaikum,

Dulu aku selalu terfikir.... hidup aku patutnye skang senang, xde anak nk pk, blk umah dr keje leh terus tidur... tp selepas aku berjumpa dgn rakanku yg baru 4 bulan melahirkan anak... pandangan aku dah berubah kembali...

"Dulu aku selalu fikir, penatnye diorg ni... balik rumah kene layan kerenah anak pula... dah laa keje mmg bertimbun2... kalo aku, mmg susah laa nk fikir..." kata2 kawan aku...

"tapi lepas dpt anak... 1st thing yg nk sgt tgk lepas keje adalah anak... walaupn dia nangis kuat mana pn, aku ttp rasa nk tgk anak aku sepanjang masa... tak kesah busy mane pn, terasa hati aku tenang lepas tgk muka anak aku... "

maybe, itu sebabnya perempuan2 yang telah menjadi isteri dan bonda kepada anak mereka ni dan juga seorang career woman.. aku selalu pandang diorg sbg super woman. But they can become stronger just by the presence of their loved ones. Their strength are the face of their children. Bila agaknya aku akan dapat merasai kekuatan itu? Hanya Allah yang tahu dan InsyaAllah, aku meminta izin daripada Allah untuk membenarkan aku merasai perasaan itu~

F1rst Love

"Cinta pertama banyak mengajar seseorang itu mengenal apakah makna cinta. Namun begitu, cinta pertama kerap kali membuatkan seseorang itu terlalu taksub mengejar cinta kerna takut kecewa." (fb Nabil Jainal)

1st love always gonna be THE love that we will always remember...
Itulah masanye kita mula berlaku jujur dgn perasaan yg bercampur baur...
masa itulah kita belajar cara memahami seseorg yg sepatutnya takde ape2 kene mengena dgn kita....
masa itulah kita mula sedar dan memerhatikan kebaikan org yg lain...
dan masa itulah kita belajar utk memperbaiki diri supaya dpt menjadi setaraf dgn cinta pertama~

My 1st love... I see him as a perfect guy next door. He was really near but yet I felt that he was very far for me to reach. I kept on denying the feelings I had but after he slipped through my fingers, then I realised how stupid I am for not keeping him close to me... And then... the 'What If.." questions kept pumping out

What if, we can just be true to our thoughts with each other?
What if, he could sees me as a woman before he met her?
What if, I had told him my feelings before?
What if....?

But, that was 8 years ago... my wisdom and mind had grown so much that I can find the 'hikmah' of why Allah send those feelings for him to me if He hadn't want us to be together. Looking back at the road I had taken, I can smile while thinking about those thoughts. Because of him, I've grown to be a much 'beautiful' and better woman than I was before. The only reason for me to meet him 8 years ago and fall deeply in love with him was to create the present me... of who I am now.
^^

this commercial really reminds me of him =)

The end.... for now

Finally I replied;

Hi Chris,

It turns out that my previous sponsor would not transfer my working contract to my current sponsor. I have to work for my previous sponsor for 8 years. Unfortunately, I have to decline the PhD offer by University of Nottingham. I am really sorry for any inconvenience that I have caused.
Please accept my deepest apology to you and to the university for taking your time.
Thank you.

Regards,
Nor Othman

and he replied;
Nor

Sorry to hear that, best of luck.

Chris

I think, he already guess the circumstances that I might not gonna make it. And I was super embarrassed with my childish behaviour over the past few months to him. But now, I am determine to follow my dreams in my own way, without the so-called help from others... especially in financial =)

It's the end... is it?

5.30pagi subuh, di kala selepas bersahur utk puasa 6 syawal...

	from	Christopher J. Conselice conselice@nottingham.ac.uk
to		ann othman
date		Mon, Sep 19, 2011 at 12:52 AM
subject		Re: Nor Othman
mailed-by		gmail.com
signed-by		gmail.com
		Important mainly because of your interaction with messages in the conversation.

" Hi Nor --

Just wanted to check in and see how things are going. I realize you
aren't going to make it for this autumn, but can you give me some
indication of how things are going with your sponsor and when you
might be arriving?

all the best,

chris "

So, bagaimana agaknye aku perlu membalas email ini... Skali aku membalas, bererti peluang emas permata 100% pure akan hilang buat selama2nya...Chris Conselice merupakan supervisorku ketika final year project dan dia juga merupakan supervisorku utk PhD kali ini.... I salute this guy... he is the only one in Europe has the direct key to the Hubble Telescope.... Tapi, as an adult, I should make things clear for both parties rite?
Aiseyyy~~

shy

Looking at you
Thinking and wondering
What is in your mind right now?
With the cutest silly face of yours
Can my smile reach you?

I remember your kindness back then
Your sweetest smile
... with your warmest words
Are still fresh in my mind
Did you notice,
... I felt my heart twitched that day?

I'm keepng my distance,
and I keep it consistence,
Shying all the way~

Maze of feelings

Have you ever felt,
that your life is kinda perfect that you want to always keep it that way...
and out of the blue, suddenly you felt that your life worth nothing at all?

"What the hell am I doing here?"

I am in this situation now.... suddenly I felt that everything that I knew stumbles down. I have no direction in life, neither a place where I can go back to... the place where I can feel being loved and comfort. So, how am I suppose to move on when I don't know which way to start my steps?

When I felt this way, usually I would think about others who are in situations far more worst than mine. Kwn sy telah diletakkan di atas sebuah pulau yg sgt daif.... slow internet connection and the place is always smelly.... dan seorg lg kwn sy telah ditempatkan di lahad datu, yg kalau nk balik kg, kene amik 2 flight, and flight2 yg ada jarang2 je... so I should be thankful with what I have now.... rite?

But right now.... I have no idea what is right and what is wrong anymore~

Bye2 My Life Diary

Passport A 16066949

Pemilik yang disayangi ^^

Visa Pelajar UK 2006-2009

Pergerakan pelancongan kluar dari Luton, London

Penerimaan di Amsterdam, Holland dan Skatvsa, Germany

Obsessive Yui di Hong Kong

Visa obsessive YUI ke Tokyo, Japan

Penerimaan ke Narita, Japan

Round2 negara ke-3 europe dgn keretapi bersama rakan2

Sedih dan hiba bila passport lama dipotong sebagai tanda penamat penggunaan maksimanya kepada tuan empunya.... Terima kasih kerana telah memberi pelbagai pengalaman yang sekarang dapat digunakan untuk kematangan diri dan rakan-rakan....
Bye bye A 16066949
And Welcome abroad A 250******
^^

5 perkara sblm 5 perkara : sihat sebelum sakit...

8 September 2011;

tepat pukul 2 pagi, aku terbangun drp tidur.... perut mcm buat hal... berbunyi2 drp td~

2.30 pagi: mula muntah... sakit smpi ke hidung tu.... lepas muntah try tidur balik...
3.00 pagi: perut berbunyi2 lagi... tidur tak lena... 1/2 jam selepas itu, muntah lagi... selepas muntah, try utk minum air2 masam... try utk tidur kembali...
4.00 pagi: muntah air yg diminum td... mknn dlm perut dah hbs dikeluarkan kot... takleh jd ni... kejut linda, minta segala jenis ubat yg dia leh fikirkan....
5.00 pagi: muntah ubat2an yg dimakan pula... adess, mmg sah aku kene mc ari ni~

7.00 pagi: call sekolah, Iskandar pulak yg angkat... of cos tak smpi 30 minit, satu sekolah dah tau aku muntah2 ingatkan sbb mkn berlebihan... adess
7.30 pagi: dapat msg drp 7 org kawan2 daripada SSI bertanyakan keadaan diri yg sakit ini... 2 org students pun post kt wall fb aku tanye psal ape aku tak dtg sek....terasa terharu pulak diorg rmai2 risau psal aku... ughuu~~
9 pagi: setelah sejam menunggu, akhirnya dpt jumpa Dr Muru... dia ckp perut aku sensitif dgn minyak sapi... tp mmg dari dulu aku takleh tahan bau minyak sapi pn.... bak kata Linda, walaupn sakit seharian, at least dpt tau kita allergy ape~
12 tgh hari: ubat tahan muntah dia sgt tak sedap~~~ sakit aku tak menurun.... papa dah risau, call Linda ckp aku semakin nazak~ huhu... Linda pn risau g call Dr Teoh yg busy sokmo tu... aku lak pk, mhal2.... haha
5 ptg: Linda belikan ayam goreng McD dgn bubur McD sbb dia ckp org yg muntah perlukan garam yang banyak utk otak supaya tak sakit kepala sgt...
8 mlm: tido smpi pkul 4.30 pagi td... skang rasa dah boleh bergerak tanpa sakit sgt....
Alhamdulillah~

Kesimpulan daripada tragedi ini... Sy sgt terharu rmai org risaukan psal sy... At least now I knew I have a lot of friends in need who are my true friends indeed. Thank you =)

Arigatou...

During my period of stress, I try my best to hide it. Via online or by face... except for my blog. hehe. Sedangkala ketika nk tido awal smlm sbb malas nk pk ape2... tiba2 handphone aku brbunyi...

"You okay?" msg kwnku yg dh lame tak dgr berita dan tinggal di seberang perairan berbunyi...
"ok je, nape?" aku balas....
"I can sense what you're thinking deep down inside you" dia balas

Di kala msg itu telah membuatkan air mata aku akhirnya jatuh... Without any hint, he knows... then I realized, I have a lot of wonderful friends around me.

To "Neo Wei Loong", thank you so much for this wonderful friendship ^^

Tarik nafas dalam-dalam::....

Assalamualaikum,

Di kala sedang menaip utk blog ini.... sy sdg stress giler...

sy tak tau kenape,
... adakah 90% kemungkinan suara sy mmg takkan kembali?

... ataupn, sbb my-so-called-ex yg kapel tak smpi 2 minggu tu....dah bertunang?

...ataupn, sbb saya kene kerja sabtu dan ahad ini walaupn sy dah rancang utk melawat sedara di Muar?

...ataupn, sbb my best friends semua dah bertunang?

...ataupun, sy masih belum mengisi markah eksperimen utk mereka yg STPM tahun ini?

...ataupn, sy masih belum mula buat soalan utk akhir tahun PraU peringkat daerah?

...ataupn sbb hormon sy mmg tgh tak betul skang ni....kah?


tp sy mmg tgh stress super... and I know that misery loves company, so sy dh mula mengeluarkan ayat2 yg org kata "saje cari gaduh". Bahaya~~ Sebelum ape2 berlaku... sy perlu offline dan tenangkan diri~

Pentingkan Diri

"aku kan... kalau ada sorg mamat gedik2 call aku, aku malas layan... off line je" sorg kwn aku pernah ckp....

"tp aku tak terasa sape2 pn nk tergedik kt aku... Dia mmg tgh stress, nk off line mcm kesian giler kot. Dia agak memerlukan org utk dgr je" aku balas...

"Ko ni kn.. kadang2 kita kene blaja pentingkan diri, supaya org tau limit dia dan tak menyebabkan org lain salah faham..."

Perbincangan ini berlaku antara aku dan s******* ketika salah seorang kawan aku lelaki selalu call aku sbb tgh stress dgn tunang dia...

Aku prnh tgk satu movie ni... ada satu ayat dia yg menyebabkan aku agak tersentap.
"If you want someone to love you, you need to learn to love youself first..."


Dulu org slalu nasihatkan aku, jgn pentingkan diri... tak baik. cuba pkkan org lain dulu... So smpi skang aku akan try utk pkkan org lain dulu... smpi aku terasa secara tak sengaja, I'm hurting the people who actually really care about me.

1st:
Instead of kwn2 aku yg call, aku akan suh diorg off, biar aku yg call. tak smpi ati lak nk suh diorg hbskan kredit utk aku je.... aku lak pkai bil, line lg murah kot~

2nd:
Kalau aku nk bli ape2, aku start kete trus je cari sendiri2. kalau ajak org, aku rs bersalah diorg kene tunggu aku pilih2 brg utk aku sendiri....

3rd:
I'm the maid-of-honor for the wedding of the first guy I ever loved. Dulu akak aku ckp aku dah gila, saje nk sakitkan hati sendiri... tp takkan aku nk tolak, dua2 tu kwn baik aku~

So, mcm mane cara untuk pentingkan diri? bukan itu sesuatu yg tak baik ke?? Aku byk kali tanye org, mcm mane nk jd org yg pentingkan diri..?
dan ada seorg sahabat telah memberi nasihat yg bernas

"Ann, aku rs ko kene bykkan membaca... supaya bila ko rs terlalu pentingkan org lain, ko lebih berhemah utk menjawab instead of ko berfikir utk pentingkan diri sendiri"