Thursday, 18 August 2011

Sy takut....

I am feeling numb this whole past 3 days... no feelings what so ever
And now I present to you my strong feelings right here only in this blog...
^^

I already banned myself from 'ngumpat-ing' people. But today, I listened to other people 'ngumpat-ing' other people. I tried to neutralized their anger but it's still based on their own mind set whether they r going to accept any of my opinion or not. Hati manusia ni sbnrnye tak pernah berniat jahat, diorg kadang2 cuma tak sedar kesan2 perbuatan diorg kpd org lain... Then jeng3... diorg berckp yg org tu ckp buruk psal aku...

hati aku tiba2 memberontak... psal ape eik? nk tau gak... kenape2 org tak ske aku?? diorg mula bercerita... tiba2 perasaan terhadap org yg bercerita psal aku tu berubah kepada tak baik skit.... then otak aku mengambil alih keputusan... kalau aku teruskan dgr bende ni, aku akan forever ubah pandangan aku terhdp org tu... so secara on spot, aku tukar tajuk... safe~

dlu rum8 aku pernah ckp... "Ann, muka ko dah tak innocent mcm dlu..." then aku jawab, "aku dah tgk byk bende2 buruk psal kehidupan... nk maintain innocent ape nyer~" Manusia ni mmg pelik. Minda diorg sentiasa berfikir... kadang2 kita kene let loose. ada bende ni tak worth pn pk... abaikan je...

Tapi.... still deep inside my heart, I am really scared. What if, there would be no more innocent cell inside of me. What if, every single things inside of me are tinted black dgn dosa.... Aku sgt takut aku akan jd jahat.. aku jd ske ngumpat org, bandingkan org, tikam belakang org, ske sakitkan hati org... Aku dlu pernah pk nk duduk sendiri je kt makmal fizik form 6... tp, smpi bila aku nk lari... aku sedar yg walau ape pn terjadi aku kene bergaul dgn masyarakat... walaupn aku sgt penakut, at least aku kene berlakon jd seorg yg tabah dpn mereka. Mcm mane nk lindung hati daripada anasir2 yg tak baik ni eih? Kadang2 aku terikut2 juga diorg 'mengumpat'. But at least I know, I cannot always choose the right path because life is not just a road to the end, it is also a lesson learn with time, rite? =)

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